Second Round Knockout

Second round kicking off around 10:30. I need to catch a 7:40 train to L.I. tomorrow for a funeral, but as long as I get a couple hours of sleep, it’s cool. I’ve gotta stay up for some of the second round at least, seeing that the Bulls haven’t had a pick yet. Wait, did they just finish the Coach K Spurs commercial now? Also, how many former Blue Devils are on the Spurs or the Pistons?

The Hawks are up first (forget the time thing for the second round) and Russ Granik is in his usual jovial mood. The Hawks get Salim Stoudamire, who is at least someone I’ve heard of. The new Jason Terry? He’s pretty much a two guard in a (small) point guard’s body. But Jay Bilas just used the phrase “pity party,” so it’s all good. And it really won’t be hard for him to be the starting point guard for the Hawks, because I’m not sure if they really have one.

And the clock’s rolling fast, and the Clippers take Daniel Ewing, the first Devil picked. As usual, identifiable names are going early in the second round, but there’ll sure be a bunch of unknowns coming. We’ll see how Ewing fits with Shaun Livingston.

The Hornets take Brandon Bass from Louisiana State—a local cat. He’s a beast, that’s for sure. And they might well need a replacement for P.J. Brown one of these days. Andriuskevicius and Chad Ford must be seriously bumming right now.

The Jazz get C.J. Miles outta high school. Jerry Sloan is going to eat him alive. And is it me, or did he go to the same high school as Rashard Lewis?

Portland takes Ricky Sanchez, another high school kid, with Monta Ellis still on the board. And Milwaukee takes some Turkish dude during a commercial break.

The Lakers go French! Ronny Turiaf! Not a bad pick. And are all the French guys there? Toughness is good—he’ll probably be better than Bynum next year. Although he sorts seems like a French version of Brian Grant.

Magic go Travis Diener! Sometimes you just have to take the best dorky looking guy available. The Lakers are on the clock again—did they cut someone?

Trade! Jarrett Jack for Kleiza and Sanchez, as predicted. Underwhelming. Although does Jarrett Jack beat out Bassy for the starting job?

The Lakers take Von Wafer, which is way cooler, at least based on his name. In fact, he could very well have the coolest name in the entire draft. If his locker doesn’t have his full name on it in the same script as “Von Dutch” (in L.A., no less!), Paris Hilton and I will be very disappointed.

I love the sudden death aspect of the second round—and the Warriors finally take Monta Ellis off the board. Yeesh, and he’s already signed with an agent. Just hope he doesn’t turn into the next DaJuan Wagner—and he doesn’t even have half of Wagner’s build.

Raptors are back on the board, and they thankfully cut to commercial. I’m not sure if I want to see this either. Incidentally, with the 2 and 3 picks in the 1996 Draft, the Raptors and Grizzlies took Marcus Camby and Shareef Abdur-Rahim respectively. What if one of them had taken Steve Nash? (With 41, the Raptors take Roko-Leni Ukic. Just so you know.)

The Warriors take Chris Taft at No. 42. Wasn’t he supposed to be a top-10 pick at the start of the year? Would he maybe have been a top-10 pick next year? No. 42—as worn by one-time Warrior Donyell Marshall, who also underachieved for a while. Hopefully he succeeds earlier.

Another guy gets taken during a commercial break—Mile Ilic to the Nets. Somehow I thought that was all one name. As it goes, it’s the second-best name in the draft. And then we get Dick Vitale after an extended break with an extended rant about kids who should have stayed in school. Never saw that one coming. And they go to commercial again, thus ensuring we’ll miss at least one more pick (Orlando at 44). This is probably a plot by the Sternbot to ensure Granik gets less facetime than he does.

We get back in time for Philly at 45—Louis Williams, from South Gwinnett High. Lots of high school second-rounders, but what the hell, they wouldn’t even be eligible for the draft next year. They wanna go for that Rashard Lewis second-round money. And Jay Bilas with the smackdown! Indy’s on the shotclock, and we still don’t know who Orlando took. Actually, Granik is back out to mention that the Pacers made up—er, took—Erazem Lorbek from Slovenia. And the Magic took Andriuskevicius! From lottery pick to “selected during the commercial break.” That’s a long way to fall.

Rob Babcock from T-dot on the video conference trying to explain the Villanueva pick. He’s not terribly convincing. And he doesn’t really make sense, either. Go Toronto! (To an American market.)

The Sonics get Mickaël Gelabale from Guadeloupe—the first umlauted player selected. This is apparently more important than pick No. 47, which was a Timberwolf pick that we’ve never heard. Also, Gelabale’s draft hat is the most amazing thing ever. (Where are all these French guys coming from?) No. 47 was Bracey Wright from Indiana. No umlauts.

The Wizards take Andray Blatche, another high schooler. Probably the first player to have “Andray” spelled that way. He’s probably just as good as Kwame Brown, and he was picked a mere 48 picks lower.

50! Ryan Gomes from Providence to the Celtics. He’s a local, and a COLLEGE senior. He reminds Jay Bilas of Adrian Dantley, which is pretty good at 50. And probably pretty exaggerated.

The Nuggets select a guy named Axel from Belgium. This is perhaps a sign that the second round need not be televised. Almost immediately, the Celtics take someone else whose name I don’t even catch. Orien Greene. And I already missed pick No. 51, which occurred during the break. The Knicks are on the clock, though. And they’re using all of it, apparently.

No. 51 was Robert Whaley, actually, who was once a highly-touted high school star. Big drop right there. Maybe Jerry Sloan can do something with him.

The Knicks take Dijon Thompson from UCLA. Another skinny swing to go with Trevor Ariza, assuming he makes the squad. And that gets the Sonics back on the board. ESPN business reporter Darren Rovell cutting off Mike Tirico in the middle of a question about Bogut’s marketing power is incredibly great—maybe the second round SHOULD be televised after all.

Granik attak—the Sonics get Lawrence Roberts. Once again, LATE after being a first-team All-American in ’04. Someone who SHOULD have left school early? Not that anyone will mention it on the air.

Five picks left, and it’s already 11:35. Does a two-round draft REALLY need to be four hours long? The Pistons take Amir Johnson, yet another high school second rounder.

Marcin Gortat either just got selected or he won a preliminary round at Wimbledon. One or the other. Kiki Vandeweghe is talking and I’m not listening. Also, I missed the last pick. Oh, Toronto took Uros Slokar to compete in mixed doubles. No big deal. The Hawks have the 59th pick, which seems pointless. Then the Pistons get the last guy. Mr. Irrelevant.

I guess the Hawks pick was pointless, since they go straight to Granik for No. 60. The Pistons take Alex Acker, who I’ve never heard of. It’s not like Larry Brown will play him assuming he makes the team and assuming Larry Brown is still coaching.

The hell with analysis and the Hawks pick—it’s 11:47 and I’m going to bed.